Good morning.
'Our bodies are where self-esteem, desire and sexuality come together. The more attention we pay to our needs, the better we are able to take care of ourselves.'
From The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability, ed. Kaufman, Silverberg and Odette, 2003
'I'm never going to look like the women in advertisements and posters, and this makes me feel really bad about the way my body is.'
Join the club. The ads you see and hear are designed to sell products, and they've worked out that the best way to do this is by lowering women's self esteem. By equating certain types of bodies and looks with pictures of happiness or love, women feel like they must look like those pictures in order to be satisfied or loved. As a woman with a disability, this can become even further complicated. Not only do you get the message that all women are receiving ('your body isn't beautiful') but an added one as well - 'your disability means that you can never be beautiful, so we're not even including you in our target audience.'
The people setting the standards for beauty are not interested in making us feel good about ourselves, and while it's far more easily said than done to reject these ideas, it's important that we try. Becoming familiar with or sharing experiences about other women's bodies is perhaps the best way to realise that the images of the female body we see around us have very little to do with real women's bodies, which are more textured and beautiful than the most intricately photoshopped model can ever be.
My body looks and functions differently. Can anyone ever be attracted to me?
And so things progress.... well that's how life is, isn't it? Like it or not, everything is in perpetual motion - we live in a constantly shifting dynamic, with ourselves, with each other and with our environment. We might choose to ignore the tiny shifts until one day something big happens that we cannot ignore, a relationship ends, a close friend dies, we have a car crash. And all that we have known changes forever. The illusion of constancy evaporates in a moment.
Today I find myself wanting to write about beauty, sex and disability. Why you may ask? Well I am off to Poland again in a couple of weeks to meet Renata, ARKA Teatr's Artistic Director. If you dip into my blog from time to time you may remember that ARKA is unique in Poland in being the only differently abled professional theatre company. Prejudice towards disabled people is rife the world over, and Poland is no exception. The often unconscious assumptions and attitudes towards disability mean that not only do people have to contend with sometimes multiple and challenging physical and mental impairments but they often experience a level of profound oppression that creates significant barriers in their power to realise themselves fully in the world. It can be very tough.
Renata has commissioned me to make a new piece of theatre with her company, an honour which I do not take lightly. She has given me carte blanche to make a piece of work that I am drawn to create. That's very generous. Having watched her at work with her actors I find myself increasingly drawn to themes of beauty, sex and disability and am looking forward to discussing these ideas with her and her actors when I return to Wroclaw.
Its funny - I have always liked the phrase 'When the student is ready, the teacher appears' and I have experienced this and continue to do so in many aspects of my professional and personal life. Yesterday was one such case in point. I found myself sitting in a room of differently abled people at the local office of Mencap in Dagenham. I was invited by Neil Crowley, a hugely passionate activist for disability rights and awareness in the borough. We got in touch recently sparked by the ARKA visit. Neil invited me to join the group to discuss the activity plan for the International Day of the Disabled in December this year. The group is made up of people with a range of physical and mental impairments who belong to organisations and support groups in Barking and
Dagenham. This year they have decided to focus the day on the theme of the arts. So I guess that's where I come in, that and some personal and professional experience of disability and prejudice.
I really wasn't sure whether I had much to contribute to this vibrant and energetic group of people. In spite of their cut in funding, Neil and his group are determined to celebrate IDDP this year and have secured the support of the Redbridge and Dagenham Football club for the event. In the end I felt that my best contribution might be to help the group to set up an online fundraising campaign to help bring in the necessary money and to raise awareness. My experience with fundraising for the ARKA project was that its tough, but with determination and a certain amount of badgering (in spite of the cull!) its possible. Many people donate to causes they feel a connection to and this is one such cause that I am sure will speak to many people's hearts. In spite of the challenges of communication, Neil is clear and proactive in explaining his vision for the day and his leadership and humour really got the group motivated.
A few thoughts came to me as I reflected on the meeting, sitting as I was - apparently able bodied. And there's the rub. Many years ago a leading disabled activist colleague - Richard Rieser http://www.worldofinclusion.com/ gave a talk that has remained with me ever since. He was arguing for the social model of disability and in so doing condemning the medical model. In his speech he said something that had a huge impact on me 'Remember, everyone is temporarily able bodied'. This caused an intake of breath in the room and shifted the way I understood disability for good. So its a continuum is it - that old perfection idyll blown out of the water? yep, it truly is.
At that time at Arc we went on to make a piece of work called Sliced Bread by Clifford Oliver, in which we brought together such a group of differently abled actors to explore the very subject of young disabled people and sexuality. And we took it into schools where it caused quite a stir. Bit of a taboo. Indeed I recently visited a special school in Dagenham and had an excellent discussion with the head teacher Paul McPartland about disabled young people, emerging sexuality and how the school approaches the subject with students and parents. It was impressive.
I find myself back in that territory today as I think about the next piece of work I want to make for ARKA. In this vein I picked up a book I haven't looked at for some years and read the opening page.
'Our bodies are where self-esteem, desire and sexuality come together. The more attention we pay to our needs, the better we are able to take care of ourselves.'
From The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability, ed. Kaufman, Silverberg and Odette, 2003
Its an enlightening read, especially if this isn't a subject you have thought about before. And it brings me back to beauty and the age old definitions from Plato and Aristotle to the myriad of modern beauty and fashion fascists. And specifically in relation to women's experience and many people's perception of beauty.
And here some typical concerns and questions to illustrate this from some women.
'I'm never going to look like the women in advertisements and posters, and this makes me feel really bad about the way my body is.'
Join the club. The ads you see and hear are designed to sell products, and they've worked out that the best way to do this is by lowering women's self esteem. By equating certain types of bodies and looks with pictures of happiness or love, women feel like they must look like those pictures in order to be satisfied or loved. As a woman with a disability, this can become even further complicated. Not only do you get the message that all women are receiving ('your body isn't beautiful') but an added one as well - 'your disability means that you can never be beautiful, so we're not even including you in our target audience.'
The people setting the standards for beauty are not interested in making us feel good about ourselves, and while it's far more easily said than done to reject these ideas, it's important that we try. Becoming familiar with or sharing experiences about other women's bodies is perhaps the best way to realise that the images of the female body we see around us have very little to do with real women's bodies, which are more textured and beautiful than the most intricately photoshopped model can ever be.
My body looks and functions differently. Can anyone ever be attracted to me?
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| Alison Lapper - http://whateber.tumblr.com/ |
Yes, of course they can, and rest assured (or be appropriately disconcerted) that we aren't alone in our self-doubt. The unattainable standards of physical appearance set by the images and messages around us makes it hard for all women - disabled and non-disabled - to see that there really is no connection between desire and 'beauty' as it is defined by popular culture. All around us are images of sexually aroused women with seemingly 'perfect' bodies - and it makes many of us believe that in order to achieve this ecstasy or love, we have to look like them.
But in reality, desire and sexual attraction are far more complicated than popular culture or visual media would have us believe. Put aside for a moment those images and ideas, and think about what desire - as a physical sensation: a tugging of the heart - means for you. Is it a glossy magazine page of a semi naked person? Perhaps instead it's the slight smell of sweat on someone you are sitting next to on the train. The sound of a thunder storm. The jumping sensation in your stomach each time your best friend holds your arm. Attraction is a multifaceted arena where different senses collide with memory, thought and sexual fantasy - and these imposed beauty standards may have absolutely nothing to do with it.
Isn't beauty supposed to be an important part of life? If all these ideas of beauty are so false and misleading, what, or who, can ever be beautiful?
Okay, so start by thinking about an older woman you love and respect - it could be your mother, an aunt, a caregiver, or a school teacher. Imagine the lines on her face, the touch of her wrinkled skin, or her slightly rasping voice. Is she beautiful? What about some of the most energetic, passionate or kind women with disabilities that you know? Can you sense beauty there despite falling hair, aged skin or prosthetic limbs? I'm sure you can. The saying that 'beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder' is overused - but that's because it's true.
Societies set false standards of beauty, against which women with disabilities are often harshly judged. But the real beauty secret is not Fair & Lovely cream, rounder breasts or a perfectly straight back - it's that beauty itself has no definition, no standards and no rules. This can be hard to understand given that our eyes and senses are trained to see certain kinds of bodies or faces as beautiful. Many women with disabilities are using online spaces, art, and writing to put forward their own ideas of beauty. Have a look at Penny Pepper's blog http://www.disabilityartsonline.org.uk/Penny_Pepper_Blog for more edgy stuff on this subject.
But in reality, desire and sexual attraction are far more complicated than popular culture or visual media would have us believe. Put aside for a moment those images and ideas, and think about what desire - as a physical sensation: a tugging of the heart - means for you. Is it a glossy magazine page of a semi naked person? Perhaps instead it's the slight smell of sweat on someone you are sitting next to on the train. The sound of a thunder storm. The jumping sensation in your stomach each time your best friend holds your arm. Attraction is a multifaceted arena where different senses collide with memory, thought and sexual fantasy - and these imposed beauty standards may have absolutely nothing to do with it.
Isn't beauty supposed to be an important part of life? If all these ideas of beauty are so false and misleading, what, or who, can ever be beautiful?
Okay, so start by thinking about an older woman you love and respect - it could be your mother, an aunt, a caregiver, or a school teacher. Imagine the lines on her face, the touch of her wrinkled skin, or her slightly rasping voice. Is she beautiful? What about some of the most energetic, passionate or kind women with disabilities that you know? Can you sense beauty there despite falling hair, aged skin or prosthetic limbs? I'm sure you can. The saying that 'beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder' is overused - but that's because it's true.
Societies set false standards of beauty, against which women with disabilities are often harshly judged. But the real beauty secret is not Fair & Lovely cream, rounder breasts or a perfectly straight back - it's that beauty itself has no definition, no standards and no rules. This can be hard to understand given that our eyes and senses are trained to see certain kinds of bodies or faces as beautiful. Many women with disabilities are using online spaces, art, and writing to put forward their own ideas of beauty. Have a look at Penny Pepper's blog http://www.disabilityartsonline.org.uk/Penny_Pepper_Blog for more edgy stuff on this subject.
For my own part - earlier this summer when I was in Cortijo Romero - I had the privilege of spending time with a number of inspirational people in their seventies and one in their eighties. Their natural nakedness around the swimming pool was a bit of a shock to me at first, but then after a few days of dealing with my own prejudice and the overall lack of prurience I began to see these older bodies with curiosity and soon began to appreciate their beauty. Indeed this led to me taking a series of portraits of three older women, a bit of a Calendar Girl experience. It was great fun, hilarious, beautiful and has produced a series of images that my new friends are very happy with!
So onto the next piece of work - and charting its territory whilst at the same time coming to understand my own influences and prejudices. As Anais Nin says - everyone is a world - I agree wholeheartedly!
Have a great day.
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