A Question of Workaholism, Netflix and Coffee; Blog 157

Good morning!

I spent a quiet day yesterday - rather unexpectedly as I had planned to go leafleting for ARKA, but when push came to shove I realised it was time for a total day of rest, not something I have been good at historically. In fact by 11.30 am yesterday morning I had already done several hours of concentrated work on the ARKA project. 

Over scrambled eggs with ham, Anoula, Maciej and I continued to discuss the many things left to get ready for the imminent theatre visit. We were excited because we were getting news from Edinburgh about the great reception the show has been getting. Indeed I got a Facebook message from Ted Parker, a colleague who was in Edinburgh at the show last week - he said:

'I saw the Arka production at the Edinburgh Fringe on Thursday - it was absolutely phenomenal - 90 minutes of sheer energy, imagination and creativity - brought together disability, sexuality and science in an amazing blend of music, dance and drama - can't recommend it highly enough.'

We were in full swing and then Anoula put down her fork and looked intensely at me across the table and said something in Polish to Maciej to which he just laughed and hesitated before translating..... "Anoula says you are a workaholic", he smiled, we had had a big argument about this very subject just a couple of weeks ago. Anoula's comment stopped me in my tracks. I don't like the idea of workaholism, in fact its something I associate with the corporate world, maleness, heart attacks and displacement activity. And I really don't like it applied to me. Anoula meant it as a kindly observation. I decided to take to my bed. (Not in a sulk I hasten to add - simply taking her advice)

It's funny because its a theme that came up when I was away in the form of product and process - I just looked up the definition of workaholism on google -  'A compulsiveness about working'. And to boot here I am again at 6.30 am writing my blog. Mmmm  - this presents a certain conundrum. You see I enjoy writing my blog first thing in the morning. Does that mean I am a workaholic? Well I am certainly not wearing a suit or headed for a long commute to a stuffy office somewhere. I am relaxed on the sofa with a cup of coffee in my hand and Glenn Gould on my Ipod. Surely that means a get-out-of-jail card? Where does pleasure in one's enterprises and activities butt up against workaholism? I don't know.

Anyway - Anoula's comment struck a chord with me and made me just a little uncomfortable. Our friends have a way of doing this by simple observations that breeze into a conversation - and chime with a secret fear sometimes. What if she's got a point? She won't be the first or last  to comment on my productivity and relentless energy.  But from where I am sitting its pragmatic - I simply get things done that need doing and I enjoy it mostly.

With her comments in mind though I did notice that I suddenly felt very tired ..... been running non stop since getting back from Spain. And I chose to do a very rare thing - to decide not to go leafleting, but rather retreat to my bed to watch movies and sleep. I did this for the rest of the day - punctuated by the occasional trip to the kitchen for more tea, toast or later a glass of wine. I reflected that one of the other courses at Cortijo Romero is called Being here, ........mmm.

I watched Annie Hall for the first time in years and delighted once again in the genius that is Woody Allen. And then a chick flick with Julia Roberts - Eat, Pray, Love. I had been told about the book - but haven't read it. The film was fun - if a little predictable and cringey at times in its 'woman goes to find herself' cliches. But underneath some core truths that penetrate through the Hollywood veneer maybe. I even considered listening to an opera  - curious by a friend's love of the form and my shame-faced ignorance of it. 

I stayed put on my own all evening, didn't even turn the page of a book which is another first. I have to say it was great. It was great because I wasn't 'producing' - simply being. This is possibly very obvious to most other people isn't it? I know my friend Amari would laugh out loud and tell me this is something I should have learned in the nursery! But in seriousness its a challenge and always has been, that how to balance drive and rest, not least because I love making things happen. But it can make me exhausted and indeed exhausting to be around too - so yesterday was a departure into 'couch-potatodom' stillness and

sleep that actually felt pretty good. But balance is possibly better than collapse - and I have discovered a deep and growing pleasure in solitude over the past few months.

This is all a bit introspective I appreciate - but its what pitches up for me today and I hope maybe resonates a bit for others. Ultimately I think its about giving ourselves permission to balance the being and the doing, after all - aren't we 'human beings' not 'human doings'? Kinda obvious really.

I plan to be today - when I have done (and Maciej, Anoula and I have had a lovely lunch with me ma and pa in Kent) - its going to be a big week next week.

Have a good one wherever you be today.